Finding Hope in the Midst of Heartache
by Amy Roberie
It’s August 2012, and it seems as if my worst fears have materialized. Homeless. Jobless. Sickness. Loneliness. Loss. Heartbreak. All of these words are accurate descriptions of my new life. We made a major change and left our ministry positions, and all that went along with them. In many
A Valley of Heartache
Homeless – We lived with my parents and leased our house to tenants so that we could keep paying our mortgage.
Jobless – We planned to move and go immediately into another ministry role in a new city. After wise counsel, we decided to spend a season outside of vocational ministry to detox, rest, process, and heal. We made this decision a few months after our transition. By this time, we had spent our savings. This meant moving in with my parents and Josh just taking whatever job he could to bring some money in. This season turned into two years, and I spent those two years at home, something I had not done up to this point in our married life.
Sickness – During this same time, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and died less than six months later. I held his right hand, my Mom held his left, and my Aunt Cathleen talked of Jesus as he took his last breath on earth.
Loneliness – Every relationship we had revolved around one place and one group of people. It felt like I moved to a remote, foreign country that was separated from civilization by oceans and 15+ hour plane rides. There was no internet or phone service in this new country. In reality, I was down the street. My address changed, but I was in the same city with the same phone number just fewer texts and calls.
Loss – I think in one way or another, we lost everything. At best everything changed, but mostly there was loss. Loss of friends and relationships. Loss of home. Loss of security. Loss of position. Loss of identity.
My heart was broken in this season in what felt like every way. No area of life was spared. It was in the midst of this heartbreak that Lamentations 3 became my daily anthem. It both reflected my current heart ache and loss and also shined a glimmer of light on what seemed like an endless night.
“The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words.
I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;Lamentations 3:19-24 NLT
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
Dare to Hope
“Yet I still dare to hope….” I sat at the kitchen counter of my Mom’s house with Daniel Tiger playing in the background keeping 19-month-old Sophie entertained and wept. Hot tears streamed down my face as I read it again and again. Suffering and homelessness, bitterness, grief and loss, every word summed up my current state. “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this.”
My tears were still flowing, but a warmth began to fill my heart. God was still faithful. Even when I’ve lost everything, He is faithful. I decided that morning that the Lord would indeed by my inheritance and that I would hope in him. Even if my situation did not change, I had an eternal inheritance in the Lord and nothing and no person could change that. Everyone and everything could go wrong and let me down, but God is faithful, and because He is faithful, I can place my hope in him.
Before this, hope was foreign to me. There were two common words in the “Christian Language” that I was somehow not literate in – hope and grace. This was the beginning of my journey with hope. Hope means – to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence; to believe, desire, or trust.
My hope in God and God alone meant my desire was Him. My confidence was in Him. My trust was in Him. I didn’t need a home or a job or people or any circumstance to change. I only needed Him. In fact, I learned that my heartache had become the catalyst for me discovering hope and ultimately discovering God and His nature in a whole new way. As Hosea puts it, my trouble became my gateway to experiencing hope.
“But then I will win her back once again.Hosea 2:14-15
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there.
I will return her vineyards to her
and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.“
The Message paraphrase says, “I will turn heartbreak valley into acres of hope.” Today, I pray that whatever you are facing that the very heartbreak that should otherwise destroy you will become a gateway for you to walk into a spacious and wide-open acres of hope.